glassgirl7's Journal

Another Reality
Wow, I totally fell into a whole other reality for a little while there. I still have to catch up on my friends list; sorry!! This is what happened. I had a fabulous epiphany that I could stop making the ornaments, pens, paperweights, and whatnot that used to be my bread and butter but no longer actually are the bulk of my income since my wall-hung pieces, which are more satisfying artistically for me, are selling well.

However, for a little insurance against hard times, I decided to look for a part time job that would pay just enough to give me some reliable monthly income. This plan was dependent on my finding a job I really liked and that didn't create stress in my life, and I have to say, it didn't take me long to figure out where to look. I have a whole non-art-related set of skills that I'm not using, involving women's health, health advocacy, health education. I was a midwife for thirteen years and also did gynecology at a clinic for a number of years; however now I don't want to do direct care, nor do I want the stress, nor do I want to go to school for, say, psychotherapy. But what I do want is human contact, the opportunity to educate about something meaningful, and a generally light and fun feeling to my work. So....

I went looking and got super lucky. I now work here! Wow. The pay is not great but its sufficient to my needs, and the actual job is fascinating. This place is way more than meets the eye. Its owned and run by a physician and an ex-social worker, and they do so much pioneering work in self-help and care for women in every part of life. For an idea of what I'm talking about, take a look at all these downloadable brochures just loaded with excellent information pertaining to sexuality.

So...I fell into a time warp of a combination of glee at getting the chance to dust off some of my women's health care skills, while also being totally overwhelmed by the incredible training process I've been going through. If you like the topic, go ahead and browse the website and you'll quickly see how working there involves knowing/understanding/remembering a LOT of detailed information about a LOT of stuff! Basically anyone can come in or call and ask pretty much anything about anything you see addressed on that website, and everyone on the premises is more or less qualified to answer the question!

Well, the dust is starting to settle now, and I'm feeling calmer. I have lots of homework to do, including reading a stack of books and watching a stack of DVD's so I both know what we carry, and have rounded out my own body of knowledge on the subject(s). Its exhausting, entertaining, hilarious...my friends are getting lots of mileage out of how many erotic movies I have on my training list (23!! Yikes!) and my job title (Pleasure Specialist! Double yikes!!) So that's where I've been.

And now for the homestead; its been snowing here in Madison, and today we dug out the chicken coop, the paths through the garden, the cars...but not the bikes. Poor things.

On the Farm

For those of you who still think Fremont Farm is an actual farm, let me just clear that up. Fremont Farm is what we affectionately call our small urban lot in the city, and this picture of part of the vegetable garden, and the chicken coop (on the left, blue and green) might help explain why we feel farm-ish right here in the city.

The rest of our lot is garden too; there's a large...perhaps too large...perennial garden that wraps all the way from the back to the front of the house, this vegetable garden in the back, with an array of raised beds fueled by the compost pile-of-chicken-poop we have nestled in a corner, and there are fruit trees here and there too. Even a kiwi vine on the front fence.

The wooden shed you see in the middle of the vegetable garden is the gas shed for my glassblowing studio; the oxygen and propane are stored a safe distance from any opening of either our house or our neighbor's house, and then piped into my studio.

So, that's the tour; thanks for helping me procrastinate from work!

Girlfriend Away Fish Recipe

Slightly out of focus, but hey. You can still tell that at least sometimes peace reigns at our house.

J is out of town for a couple days, so I'm on my own. Yesterday I entertained myself by doing my usual stuff and then riding my bike to the co-op and getting really nice fish; this is sort of a girlfriend-away ritual. I love shellfish and seafood, and I have fond memories of cooking beautiful meals for myself when I was a single girl. Its less expensive, and somewhat less work to cook for one, and it makes you feel special. Not so much like life is only worth living if you're a couple. So this is something I try to do at least once whenever J is out of town. This time it was mixed fish-chunks and some mussels. The mussels I just steamed and ate. The fish, however, got the super-quick gourmet treatment:

Boil whole wheat fettucini according to the package instructions.

Steam whatever vegetables are in the garden. In this case, zucchini and broccoli.

Chop a few scallions and mince a clove of garlic. Mix a little cornstarch with a little water, and unwrap a boullion cube. Open a bottle of white wine, or some kind of mild beer, to cook with and sip.

Heat a little olive oil in a nonstick skillet. Put in the fish, cut into 1" chunks. Saute on high heat, adding the scallions and garlic. Toss around lightly until about half cooked (maybe a minute or two...you can't under cook fish in little chunks like that, but you sure can overcook it!) Pour in some white wine, to make the base of a sauce. Maybe 3/4-1c? Then add the bouillon cube. When its all boiling, pour in the cornstarch, and stir, to get a sauce of the correct thickness.

I serve this over the noodles and vegetables. But you could add the noodles and vegetables, or just the vegetables, to the fish and serve it like that, too.

I love a gourmet meal you can cook in its entirety in less than 15 minutes including preparation! (sorry I don't have a photo...J took the camera with her!)

And They Ride Again! And Again!

Here we have a map of Madison, plus some semi-rural area to the south and west, with two Saturday rides mapped out.

We took the lavendar ride last week Saturday. It is 12 miles on the Military Ridge Trail, between Verona and Mt.Horeb. A little ways out of Verona we saw these cranes; I think they were shopping for breakfast.

The Military Ridge Trail is crushed limestone, on an old railway line, and its quite straight, and pretty flat...except from about half way to Mt. Horeb, there is a steady grade climbing all the rest of the way. Thats's SIX MILES of steady pedaling with no coasting, and towards the end, quite a bit of panting. Just to put things in perspective.

There are lots of little bridges over little streams, and its pretty enough, but very straight. Also, we weren't all that thrilled with the crushed stone path. We really were kicked by this ride; both of us attribute it to the constant vibration. Hands, wrists, butt, and knees were all SO much sorer than usual! Also, compared to riding on pavement, it was slower, and more work.

But we had lunch in Mt. Horeb, and rode downhill on the way home, and that was nice...until we hit the headwind. We also had driven to Verona, and weren't all that thrilled to be stuffing our bikes in a car at the end of a hard ride, in the sun, with no bath handy. We wished we were pulling into our driveway instead, still on our bikes. But still, kicked or not kicked, it was a 24 mile ride!

We decided we can't ALWAYS take our long rides on limestone, and a few things will have to be purchased before the next time, including a new bike seat for me. Some gel padding for handlebar grips would be nice too.

Today, we took the coral pink ride. This was more or less a round trip ride, starting and ending at home, with a few long stops. The first stop was Budget Bikes for a new seat for me! Yippee!! We found a GREAT new seat after trying on about fourty in about an hour and a half. All I can say is J is a saint for hanging in there through all that! Then we rode out to Verona, in the blazing sun, and with a headwind all the way. However, my butt just loves the new seat! And we did get to Verona, in spite of having that this-is-a-lot-like-work feeling much of the way. We hung out in a chilly air-conditioned restaurant for a long time and drank an unbelievable amount of water and had lunch. Then we zipped right back into town, with a downhill grade partway and a pretty nice tailwind, and stopped for a little R&R downtown where we listened to music on the Library Mall, and then came on home. I mapped the ride, and this one was a whopping 30 miles! That's a record for us!

We're Not Jocks

Obviously! But we totally ROCK!

This is a map of Madison, with a couple bike routes mapped out. The pink route goes around Lake Monona, and I am not certain of the mileage there; I think somewhere around 17 or 18. And the green route is the Capital City Loop, which when taken from our house, as mapped, is a 26 mile ride.

And we've ridden the Lake Loop twice in the last couple weeks, and the City Loop once! On vintage three speed bikes! With baskets! We're the poster girls for you-can-do-it-even-if-you're-fat-and-middle-aged, and you-might-want-a-new-bike-but-you-don't-NEED-one.

This is what Lake Monona looks like (with a little Photoshop seaming...) when you're about 3/4 of the way around.

We feel like complete amazons when we do this kind of thing.

Here we are all sweaty and happy having taken a teensy little detour to go get this:

They say not to reward exercise with food but surely they aren't referring to a half portion of a luxury feast at Monty's Blue Plate Diner!

Free on Friday Night?
Come to the opening of my show! Eat free food, visit with me in person, and view 18 or so of my pieces.

Don't want to buy a plane ticket on short notice? I understand, and here are a few images just so you don't miss it entirely:

These three examples are all glass, mounted so they cast a shadow, and the shadow is part of the piece. All of these hang on the wall as if they were paintings, but they're made entirely of glass. There are some, quite different from these, which look more like paintings, and they vary from quite abstract to semi-realistic. You can see more at www.marthakauppi.com if you're so inclined.

My work will be hanging in the Wisconsin Union at the corner of Langdon and Park, from this Friday till November 6th. Its in the Lakefront on Langdon gallery, which is on the first floor. Its essentially a wall along a hallway that connects the lobby/ice cream counter area with the Lakefront on Langdon cafe and the Terrace. Pretty much if you come in the front doors of the Union and look for an elevator, buy ice cream, or go out to the Terrace to hear some music, you won't be able to miss it.

As for the opening reception, that is this Friday from 7-9 pm, and the epicenter will be the lounge that's on the second floor and is connected to the Porter Butts Gallery. The Union has four galleries, and all have new shows, so this reception isn't just for my show, its for all four shows. People will wander around and view the work, eat snacks, and visit with the artists. I'm told I'll have an opportunity to give a little talk about my work too, which is something I love to do, while it also just about kills me in a crowd because I'm shy.

I'd love to see you there!! And if you ARE inclined to purchase a last minute plane ticket, I'll even put you up!

T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

I woke up this morning and found this note from J on the kitchen table. Hmmmm.

Surely not THIS little angel, still sleeping with her homemade catnip mousie?

Movie Advice?
Help! I have a two-for-one Blockbuster coupon that I'd like to use...but I can't think what to rent! A two for one coupon seems to be begging to be used on a series, since we often seem to get addicted and want to rent more than one. We've been burning our way through Veronica Mars (and loving it!) but Blockbuster doesn't have it...we were so disappointed!! We'll have to rent it from the independent place or keep on getting it from the library. We've already seen both seasons of Weeds (and loved it!), and the next season of The L Word isn't out yet. We watched all of Six Feet Under too. The Sopranos got too violent for our delicate sensibilities, so we don't want to rent that.

So...what to do with my coupon? We could use either some movie recommendations, or advice about which series to watch next.

A little Photoshop...

And you can see a picture of the two of us on our 3 hour bike ride on Wednesday. As you can see, I had to splice and tweak two separate photos, but...by the miracle of technology, voila! Two girls in one picture. This was taken in a very bustling downtown spot, just in case you need any urging to move to Madison. Town wraps right around the lake, and although it is very beautiful, the pastoral atmosphere suggested in this image is only half of the story.

You can also see that we ride vintage bikes; J's is a 5 speed and mine is a 3 speed. With baskets on both. But that just means we can do our grocery shopping, carry library books, and still have water and sunscreen (and a camera) with us. We're hoping that the money gods and the bike gods get together sometime in the next year and bless us with smooth, slick, and fast new bikes.

Cats at Play

...or its never dull around here.

Mattie approaches Ben from an unconventional angle:

...but Ben isn't in the mood today; he just wanted a nap, and now she's ruined it!

The Zoe and Mattie Show

Before you call PETA, let me just say that Mattie is clearly the instigator here. She grabs Zoe's legs and bites them, or wraps all four legs around Zoe's head/muzzle/ears and boxes/kicks/bites until a frisky poodle just can't stand it any more, and gives chase.

Then Zoe pounces frighteningly near Mattie, and Mattie shoots up in the air with all her paws out, twists around in mid air, and dashes behind a chair. If Zoe lies down for a minute, Mattie races out from behind something and leaps through the air at Zoe, pouncing right in front of her nose, and dashing off. Or she rolls over right under Zoe's nose and grabs her muzzle...see above. Or she chews on Zoe's paw to wake her up. They can go on like this for well over an hour, twice a day.

My First Meme

heyfoureyes tagged me for my first ever meme: List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.

1) My father taught us to hunt and identify wild mushrooms at an early age, and I continue to do so, and love it. Its like hunting easter eggs, but tastier.

2) I can change clothes while driving; you'd be surprised how often this comes in handy.

3) After 13 years of being a midwife, I changed career; obviously I chose artist, but along the way I seriously considered several others, including minister and psychotherapist.

4) I briefly fantasized about being a stand-up comedian; I'm way too shy though, as it turns out. But for a minute there I wondered if I could overcome my shyness enough. The answer is a resounding NO; I've gotten shyer over the years, not less shy.

5) However, I do occasionally teach country western two step at a gay bar. Fun! And not unlike stand-up comedy!

6) I've considered, as a title to my (nonexistant so far) memoir, Pantiless in the House of God. I think it conveys a certain irreverant lack of preparedness that pretty much says it all about me.

7) My father was atheist, and my mother was agnostic. After my father died (when I was 6) Mom decided that part of our cultural education should be attending some sort of church...for the culture, mind you. So she took us to the Unitarian Church for a couple years. Mostly I remember playing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" on my guitar to the whole congregation, which was excruciating, and Sunday School, where we learned the difference between boys and girls.

So, there you are. And the second half of this meme is to tag seven other people; and so here's an eighth thing about me: I have to say I have mixed feelings about tagging a whopping lot of the folks on my friends list, some of whom I don't know well at all, and others of whom I suspect might be annoyed. I don't want to intrude. So...if I tag you and you're not in the mood, well...shrug it off. Nothing bad will happen to you. And if you DO feel like doing it, I'd love to learn more about you!

So...tagging

cheshire_smile,

grrlpup,

sanguinity,

realtony,

redmelde,

sina_says, and

hotwire7.

Sorry...more grief...and a nice kitty picture!
I'm working on combating the blues; Mom's birthday was yesterday, and that was traditionally a holiday fraught with wrong moves, booby traps, and generally many kinds of family-dynamics-realted dangers. Which just sort of complicates my current emotions; I miss her a lot.

I had a dream last night that seems to be thematic; I've had several versions over the last year. In the dream, Mom is always alive and well, but I had thought she was dead, and had been moving forward accordingly (like I have in real life, of course), but now in the dream all that turns out to have been, of course, horribly wrong because she's not dead. I'm consumed with guilt and confusion.

One time I dreamed this and spent an awful guilty dream time worrying about how to afford to give her house to her, and also return her annuity (spent largely on repairing her house)...the upshot was that we were going to have to support her, and put her up at our house, and be tormented forever for "mismanaging her money"...since it turned out that she wasn't dead, and so needed it after all.

In last night's version, she was quite well, and throwing a party in her house, and planning to kill herself the next day, but vacillating about it because she was having such a nice party. Very Harold and Maude. But in the dream, I was waiting on her, on her guests, and taking notes about things she needed me to check about insurance carriers "just in case something goes wrong", which I took to mean in case her suicide attempt failed, and she needed to be in a nursing home after all...and feeling confused about how this horrible and conflicted scenario could be when I thought she was dead. Also in the dream I was feeling all the confused and manipulated array of feelings that went with hearing about her suicide plans, and worse, her fears about death and vacillation about her plans, all while seeing her apparently perfectly well and healthy and happy.

I feel sad and guilty that I don't have the dreams you hear about, where the person who died is alive and you're so blissful being with them that you don't want to wake up. I miss her so much, yet my dreams about her are nightmares where I've done horrible things thinking I was doing the right thing, but not knowing the crucial piece: she's not dead.

Ick. Enough about that. Here's a picture to perk up this post a little bit; our neighbors gave us this kitty basket, and we've been wondering if Ben would fit in it, and suddenly this morning...here is the proof. A little catnip was all it took.

Garden Bounty

Just had to post this gorgeous pile of food I brought in from the garden this morning, wrapped in a sweatshirt. Even piled all up it takes up most of my kitchen counter! We have here about a ton of tomatoes, some of which are the size of my cat, several huge red peppers, a few eggs, a pile of broccoli flowerets, a very large pile of purple green beans, a cantaloupe, a stack of okra, a couple Japanese eggplants...looks like I'll be making marinara tonight from all those tomatoes.

Still unpicked for today: cucumbers, beets, swiss chard, onions, garlic, more beans....not yet ripe: brussels sprouts and a third crop of green beans, fall beauty heart radishes, and a second crop of beets.

This is my advertisement for urban farming. Now we just need someone to move in with us and cook it all!

Kitty Action and Summer Musing

There's a lot of cute kitty action going on in our living room these days. The cardboard castle with the paper towel curtain and the paper bag tunnel is getting lots of use, as you can see. It works best when Ben goes inside, and some of his parts hang out because he's huge, and then he sticks a paw out and pats it around, and then Mattie runs around pouncing on the sticky-outy parts. This morning even further progress was made; they had a rousing round of ring around the rosie, as they took turns chasing one another all over the living room, around the boxes, and into the kitchen. It didn't last long, but it was delightful.

In other news,

zoe_1418 took my hand last night and led me down to my studio for a two-girl clean-a-thon. I've been unable to make myself go down to work lately, and it seemed like cleaning would be a good start, but no amount of self-bribing has allowed me to accomplish this for myself this week. To my surprise, and maybe hers too, I stood in the basement and cried. I just wept for, I guess, the loss of so much, including some of myself that I traded for time spent with Nancy and Mom in their last year, and some more of myself traded for the privilege of personally handling all of Mom's possessions and working on and in her house, and beside my brother and nephew, rather than just hiring a cleaning and organizing outfit to do it all.

There's no doubt in my mind that it was a worthwhile trade. I don't have much to regret now, and given how difficult my relationship with Mom was most of my life, I'd say that was worth quite a lot.

However, its telling that a year plus a little from Nancy's death, and a year minus a little from Mom's death, I still have to say that the major feature of my life is that I have just spent a couple years tending to family matters, cancer, death, grief, and a large house full of stuff. Its getting boring for the people around me after all this time, maybe, but I can smell pee-soaked sheets and cancer in the wet humid hotness of summer, and I can still feel the tenderness and careful stepping with which I tried to navigate a whole lot of difficult issues with my family, and how...complex it all was for so long. And that's mostly what's going on for me still.

But I do hear my work calling to me now. When I sit and read or knit or even dye (my favorite form of antidepressant!) I no longer feel completely satisfied. Sometimes I even feel bored. I need to reconnect with my studio, and that other part of my life and my self. So we made a start last night, and little by little, I hope to build new pathways to my creative life, and I hope it gets a little easier each time.

Ahh....Vacation!

Well, ok, its true. Oregon is gorgeous. I lived in Washington for a number of years and would have said its the most beautiful state, but as it turns out, I think Oregon might be even more beautiful. We loved pretty much everything about it; from downtown Portland to the coast, the Cascades to the desert. Gorgeous.

We stayed at an incredible cabin right on the water; now that we're home to the muggy midwest, we are trying so hard to focus on our actual Madison lives rather than just skip ahead to planning our next opportunity to go to this incredible place. I was actually DRIVEN to go out and walk on the beach, on the path along the bluffs, in the tidepools and rocks, into town. I haven't walked that much in years.

The question of the moment: how many minutes/hours/months/years will it take us to decide to move to Oregon? Points for comparison:
mosquitos: Madison has many, Oregon has almost none
flys: same as above
humidity: similar to above
days above 90: similar to above

On the other hand,
huge thurderstorms and downpours: also similar to above, unfortunately
fireflys/lightening bugs: same answer, sadly
dramatic weather changes: yeah, there are more in Madison, and we'd miss them quite a bit.

And some other points,
where can you garden in November? Oregon.
where can you grow hot weather crops like eggplant? definitely Madison.
where can you get away without a parka? Oregon unless you want to go skiing.
where can you begin to feel like there's mildew in your hair in the winter? That would be Oregon.
where can you drive a couple hours to a desert when you start to mildew? Yep. Oregon.
where can you cross country ski? This is a hard one, because I think if you're willing to drive, you can ski a lot more frequently in Oregon. Those mountains, you know. Madison doesn't actually have that many ski-able days in most winters.
where can you find huge black spiders in your house? I'm afraid that's more common in the Pacific NW in my experience.
where is the mushroom hunting best? Oregon for sure. All that rain, all those mountains.
where can you be alone outdoors? I think this is easier in all that wild forested land in Oregon too.

And then of course,
where can you have a hotshop in your yard/basement? probably either place, especially if the authorities in Madison don't catch on
where can you have chickens in your yard? I think both places, although there's a chance this would rule out Portland.
where can you grow zone 8 plants and trees? That would be Oregon. How tempting.

So...what do you think? Move or stay? Feel free to weigh in if you think I've got my facts wrong. I lived in Seattle and Ellensburg, not Oregon, so I might be a little off. Also don't hesitate to tell me if you think you live somewhere even better! I'd love to hear about it!

From the West
Wow, I've been in yet another kind of altered universe! I attended a conference on architectural applications of kilnformed glass in Portland, OR, now over. It was a fabulous conference, intensely informative, heavily so. Wow, what a lot of information about a very young subject, historically speaking. How tempting is it for me to learn to make, say, stair treads. Or dividing walls? What about flooring? How about a facade? Or merely a light fixture, or a large piece of art in a public lobby somewhere? Hm. The wheels are turning.

So, after about a year and a half of barely thinking about my work, now I'm thinking about it.

And it was so great to meet

grrlpupand

sanguinity. Thanks for showing us that nice restaurant, where I bumped into a friend I haven't seen or heard from in at least 18 years! Not to mention a relaxing evening of excellent conversation. Thanks, Ladies!

And, while I took a tour of architecturally installed glass today, J went shoppoing and bought me not one, but THREE sketch pads, all different kinds for different things. And a tin of watercolors. Now, while on vacation on the coast (starting tomorrow) with friends much beloved, I can, depending on my mood, dreamily or with intention, paint color patterns in the watercolor sketch book, sketch out ideas in the drawing-above-writing-below project planning sketchbook, and make little sketches and drawings in the luscious all-purpose and temptingly sized and shaped sketchbook. Thanks, Honey!

And kisses to the Great Beyond, where Nancy slipped a year ago yesterday.

And kisses to Mom's poodle who will be changing households this week after much vetting of the new prospective owner.

And a kiss and a note of apology to my Mother for going against her wishes, and an explanation of how much happier her dog will be in her new home (9 acres and another poodle!) than she, or I, would be if she moved in with me, which is what Mom wanted. Sorry, Mom. We're doing our best with what we've got to work with here on Earth.

Delinquent
Oh dear! Its been since February since I posted to Livejournal, and at least two months since I regularly read my friends page! I've been so delinquent!!

All I can say in my own defense is that from February to mid-May I was using all my spare energy and time (and all of my capacity for anxiety, fear, stress, grief, anger, love) on clearing out Mom's house, helping my brother and nephew move out of the lower level, and helping fix up the house, making it beautiful enough to put on the market.   Mission(s) accomplished. Whew.

And since mid-May, well...I've been on some sort of deep personal retreat, devoting all my internal and external resources to tending to my own needs. And of course, tending to my garden. And to my spinning and knitting. These things are, of course, not mutually exclusive.

So. I'm so sorry to have been neglectful, and I hope you'll forgive that I'm behind on all your news! Rather than berate myself for my retreat, I'm allowing myself the luxury of a clean slate. I still feel a little private about my complicated grief-and-recovery process, but I miss you all, so here I am; hello again!

A strange thing developed for me around mid-February; amid more anxiety and stress than I've experienced since my final year in midwifery school (which was brutal) I began an exercise plan to combat stress, mostly, and hopefully build up my physical resources a little bit to counteract the strain...I was beginning to look a little bit grey. So I spent a couple months of trying to fit some amount of exercise into each day and some strength training several times a week (uphill and against the wind due to dividing my time between Madison and Ann Arbor, where I worked so long and hard every day I could barely move when I got home). When I was home, I took (and still do) a water aerobics class at the Y, which is a simple, no-decisions-to-make way to get exercise and stay cool at the same time.

I've never found much enjoyment in exercising, but at some point I realized that the only time I didn't worry was when I was working out. Hm. It took all my attention to just work out, and somehow that turned out to provide me with some much-needed rest. I also noticed that sometimes when I was working out, I was discharging a whole lot of anger, and assorted other emotions. I figured all this was a good thing, and without really meaning to or trying, I started doing it more.

Not a simple thing, since I won't participate in anything that has even a tiny component of body-hating, including fat-hating. I don't need any encouragement to hate any of my body parts; our culture being what it is, I've had plenty and enough is enough. So there can't be any "get rid of those horrible thighs" fervor.

Which is how I discovered N.I.A. which is about moving and loving the feeling of moving,
and its also how I discovered Gabrielle Roth which is about healing, sweating, and meditating via dancing freely to five basic rhythms (and holy crap, listen to that awesome music!)

So that's where I am now; quietly easing through my days, working out a lot, feeling increasingly peaceful while a dazzling and intense assortment of emotions wash over me; fallout from the last year and a half, and (I suspect this is common when you lose a mother) also from a whole lifetime lived with a very challenging relationship.

Here I am in my hammock with Zoe the poodle and Ben the cat, in exactly the spot where I tend to both start and end my days, either with a book or some knitting, and lots of fresh air.

Valentine's Day, and 12th Anniversary!
...And not only that, I did a little art project for Valentine's Day, which I have always regarded as a cross between a holiday and an excuse for a crafts project. I've been totally stuck regarding work for the last several months, and not at all inspired to make anything new at all, and then came the irresistable lure to make a Valentine for my darling.

So, here they are; fresh out of the kiln, a batch of glass hearts!

I'm very happy about this; it was actually fun, and I'm really ready for my work to be fun. The thing about doing art for a living is that its hard to get immersed in a creative frenzy of pure fun the way I used to do with art. Sometimes I do that with some not-for-sale project like dyeing fiber or maybe making pysanki eggs, but its been over a year since I've had very much time for immersion for non-work purposes, and easily a year since I've been able to immerse myself in something that will also be sold.

Hm. That figure "a year" is kind of a red flag phrase; I guess I've had other things on my mind in the last year. I still do, but this seems like a sign of a lightening of my spirits and that seems worth celebrating.

These pieces got mounted on clear glass over gold matt board and framed. And one got given to my beloved for our anniversary.

Goodbye to Christmas

Last night, amid sniffles and snot from our winter colds, we took down the Christmas tree. Usually I can't wait to get rid of it, usually taking it down on New Years Day if not before. But this year was different; somehow it was comforting and cheerful even after Christmas, even in our tiny living room.

It seems to me that, at least in the case of our tree, a Christmas tree is kind of like a quilt; full of family history, spanning generations, and both reflecting and recording births, deaths, marriages, separations, reunions, estrangements, trends, ethnic heritage, and so on. I wonder if anyone has researched this at all; I think its fascinating.

The Kauppi tree has a dove on top, holding a banner that says "Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men". We were raised thinking this is a Finnish tradition, but now I think that having a garland of some sort around the tree is the Finnish part, and the dove and banner part is our parents compromise with the Christian holiday. No stars and angels could have topped our tree with an atheist father and an agnostic mother. Toivo, my father, wouldn't say he was celebrating Christmas at all; this was a Solstice celebration, and probably therefor a Solstice tree as well.

I love how the dove and banner make our tree different, and special. A dear friend of Mom's made that banner when my brother and I were just tiny. Our tree also has ornaments from my grandmother's tree, that Mom remembered from her own childhood. And then there are the many ornaments Mom brought back from her world travels. And the ornaments I made as a youth, and a few little experiments my brother performed; does that color on that ball wash off? Many years ago I crocheted a small flurry of snowflakes as a gift for my mother. There are also some ornaments I made alone in Seattle trying to brighten up my holiday during a period when I was estranged from my mother. There are champagne corks from various weddings in our family, and a whole lot of handblown glass documenting a long learning curve on my part. Also an increasing number of very accomplished glass pieces made by my friend Tracy. There is a flock of brightly colored origami cranes that sit on top of branches, and another flock of feathered birds made with real feathers that also perch, some of which are somewhat worse for the wear having spent years of Christmases being hunted by cats.

All this minus the zillions of glass ornaments that broke a few years ago when our family first celebrated Christmas at our house; we had an enormous tree, and it was dripping with glass icicles and ornaments; then our 20 pound red tabby Ben, probably hunting a bird, took off from the top of the piano, launching across perhaps 6 ft of space, to land right in the center of the tree. The whole thing came down in a reverberating crash, and the vacuuming up went on and on as we crept around, stunned by the reality of an unbelievable quantity of invisible glass shards in the carpet and a toddler in the house.

So farewell till next year to our way-over-the-top Victorian fairy-like creation of a Chistmas tree and thank you to the fat cat beneath it (see him?) who has not repeated his kittenish flight of destruction again.

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